All my life, I have been musturbating.

I must pass this exam.

I must pass that Interview.

I must get that girl.

I must talk to that guy.

I must win that tender.

I must be a millionaire by a certain age.

I must marry by a certain age.

She must treat me well.

She must like me.

She must not say that.

I must excel in all what I do.

I must, I must, and I must.

Now that I am old and I have seen some of the effects of musturbating. I can say it pays to prepare myself to the harsh realities of living and letting life be. Not in a cynical way, but to know that I can have preferences and options and that things need not go my way at all.

In recent times, I have been rudely awakened from this habit by the harsh realities of the world.

Whereas I thought I must always pass exams, I have failed terribly.

Whereas I thought I must pass certain interviews, I failed terribly.

Whereas I thought I must be a millionaire by a certain age, I haven’t.

Whereas I thought I must marry by a certain age, I haven’t.

I have failed an exam and felt terribly ashamed of it.

I have failed interviews and felt terrible about it.

I have been terribly embarrassed in many accounts due to my own naivety.

In 2017, there is even a time I switched off my phone for a whole week. I had to do this to let some realities sink in. I didn’t want to speak to anyone.

I don’t know why I conditioned myself into imagining that things must always go my way. It is a terrible thing to be in.

I still musturbate even today and I continue reaping the results. I don’t know what to do. What is the cure?

I know I should do my best and trust my creator, but I still find it very tempting to still musturbate.

What should do I do?  

Dr Albert Ellis said “if you look at the things that anger you, upset you, or frustrate you, 99% of the time you have a:

A MUST

AN OUGHT or

A SHOULD

In your thinking.”

He says “There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy.”

Before I finish, let’s define “Musturbating”

“Musturbating,” is a term coined by Albert Ellis, and is defined as strong desires and goals that have mutated into absolute musts, shoulds and demands. We put immense pressure on ourselves saying “we must” get something accomplished (or be a certain way) or else! Irrational feelings of guilt and anxiety haunt us when we have strong musts and are not obeying them.

 Finally, I came across this YouTube video, “Why I Stopped Musturbating” by Prince EA and I hope it will contribute to my healing.