My final defence against a certain accusation

Yesterday I met some two male friends at Highlands Restaurant, Nairobi. We had a chit chat from around 5.45pm to 11.30pm. This restaurant is normally converted to a club of sorts at 10 pm, so for around 1 hour and 30 minutes, we had to bear up with the din coming from the revellers and the loud music.

We have known each other for around 14 years. We have been friends or acquaintances since 2005. As is the custom amongst friends, we each took turns trying to brag about how well we are doing in life. We cajoled each other, let our hearts out about our past failures and rejections. One of the friends married recently and upon my request, he also took the time to fill us with wisdom and insights on how he has managed to wed at such a young age. They had dated/courted for almost 9 years (4 of these as students). How did they manage to court for such a long time? What was the content of their daily conversations for 9 years? Was is just “Hi, how are you doing?” “Hi, how was your day?”, “Good morning, how is your day like?”, “Hello, how is your evening?”, “Hey, what have you eaten for supper?” “Hi, goodnight” He even mentioned that it took more than seven months before the then-girlfriend could allow him a simple hug. They came from completely different backgrounds.

The aim of this post is not to regale you with whatever transpired during this meeting of friends. I intend to counter an accusation that these two guys tried to pin me down with. I know some other fellas out here might hold the same view and hence the necessity of this public defence.

One of the things we discussed was what it really takes to live and enjoy life. They in unison claimed that they could swear on their mothers’ graves that, I, Benard Makaa, do not enjoy life, and based on their interactions with me, are sure of it. One even asked, “Do you even have any single friend whom you can share non-sense with and talk non- serious life stuff?” By enjoying life, according to them, meant getting involved in non-serious stuff and conversations such as to do with sports, politics, etc. etc.  By the end of our conversation, they ended up retracting their accusation and I won’t have to defend myself again.

So, do I enjoy life? By daily learning how to live.

1. I am a believer, and as such, I belong to a community of believers and I enjoy the fellowship and anything that goes with that. We meet every Saturday from 8 am to 6 pm as well as on many other occasions.
2. I read good books. I read a lot and I don’t care whether I remember what I read. The exercise is sufficient. The mental orgasm from reading books is enough. It seems books also teach me about myself and how to live.
3. I pay attention to people, things and events. I try to be an observer, or if you like, a Flâneur.
4. I try to live temperately: health-wise, food-wise, social wise.
5. I try to be convivial, learn how to live with others, and enjoy conversations. I have in many occasions engaged in 7-10 hour non-stop conversations with a friend here and a friend there. Who can spend 10 hours talking about “serious” stuff?? I am conversant with current sports, social and political environment. Once in a while, I even share memes. I share jokes, laugh at jokes, and have some sense of self-deprecating humour.
6. I enjoy watching movies (almost daily) and documentaries. I have loved narratives, stories ever since I was around 4 years. I am addicted to stories.
7. I try not to worry about death. And hence can take certain risks without anxiety and worry.
8. I have learnt little mind (or psychological) tricks such as negative visualization (What is the worst that can happen? What is there to lose?), Controlling the controllable, Letting go of the past, etc. etc. I have given up control over certain things.
9. Questioning everything. As they say “All I know is that I know nothing, and I’m not even sure about that”.
10. Constantly waking from the sleep of habit. And knowing that it all depends on your (and mine) point of view. Travelling has helped with this. What I thought was the only way of life has been completely challenged by seeing how others live and view things and life.
11. I try to be humane, to be a human and doing what a human is supposed to do.
12. I travel and I see the world.
13. I try to do what no other person has done before.
14. I am ordinary, imperfect and I know it.
15. I philosophize by accident, reflect on everything and try to regret nothing.
16. Learning how to survive love and loss.
17. I try to fulfil practical, social life obligations.
18. I have friends.
19. I try to let life be.

If the above doesn’t consist living or enjoying life? Then, what is living? What’s “enjoying life”.

This is my 3^rd and hopefully my last defence.

My first defence can be found here; Surely, you are too serious with life, Benard

The second here; Small Talks